Uncoupling: Turning outlet online sale Points in discount Intimate Relationships outlet sale

Uncoupling: Turning outlet online sale Points in discount Intimate Relationships outlet sale

Uncoupling: Turning outlet online sale Points in discount Intimate Relationships outlet sale
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Description

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A brilliant sociological look at the dynamics of separation and an invaluable guide for anyone who wants to understand—or prevent—the collapse of a relationship.

How do relationships end? Why does one partner suddenly become discontented with the other and why is the onset of that discontentment not so sudden after all? What signals do partners send each other to indicate their doubts? Why do those signals so often go unnoticed? And how do people who saw themselves as part of a couple come to terms not just with absence and abandonment, but with a new, single identity? Drawing from extensive research and in-depth interviews, this groundbreaking book reveals a process that begins in secret but gradually becomes public, implicating not only partners but their social milieu. Enlightening, accessible, and deeply affecting, Uncoupling offers a startling vision of what really happens behind the surface when relationships come apart.

From the Inside Flap

paperback, the ground-breaking and carefully documented book that shows how couples come apart.

From the Back Cover

Now in trade paperback, the ground-breaking and carefully documented book that shows how couples come apart.

About the Author

Diane Vaughan is professor of sociology and international and public affairs at Columbia University. She is the recipient of a Guggenheim Fellowship and the author of Controlling Unlawful Organizational Behavior: Social Structure and Corporate MisconductUncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships, and  The Challenger Launch Decision: Risky Technology, Culture, and Deviance at NASA, as well as numerous articles in a variety of academic publications.

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Customer reviews

4.3 out of 54.3 out of 5
99 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Lisa Jordan
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Great book on relationships, whether you''re in the process of "uncoupling" or not.
Reviewed in the United States on November 22, 2016
I actually bought this book for my counselor to read! I read this book years ago, as I watched my former marriage unravel, after years of trying to make it work. This book helped me see that what I was going through wasn''t unique, that there is a pattern to the... See more
I actually bought this book for my counselor to read! I read this book years ago, as I watched my former marriage unravel, after years of trying to make it work. This book helped me see that what I was going through wasn''t unique, that there is a pattern to the "uncoupling" process that is nearly universal to all failing relationships, no matter one''s age, race, sexual orientation, or whatever. (Isn''t that interesting?)

This book helped me understand why and how my own marriage had failed and gave me ideas that have helped me prevent an "uncoupling" in my current relationship, which has lasted over 25 years now.
13 people found this helpful
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Scorpio Moon Shine
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
The Best Book I''ve Read About Understanding Relationships
Reviewed in the United States on August 4, 2018
I read this years ago in one of my Sociology classes for college. It was a turning point for me. I know had the ability to understand how relationships fall apart and the ability to recognize the signs within me or my partner. If you read it for what it is,... See more
I read this years ago in one of my Sociology classes for college. It was a turning point for me. I know had the ability to understand how relationships fall apart and the ability to recognize the signs within me or my partner.

If you read it for what it is, signs, patterns, you''ll understand where the lack of emotional vulnerability/trust started to fall apart and/or what event. There''s no blaming, just a need to be accountable for each person''s actions.

I highly recommend this book. I''ve bought and given several copies away through the years.

In society, we are always looking into how to find a partner. I believe if we focus more on how to recognize the signs in a relationship that may be uncoupling, it will give you more intuitive skills to communicate instead of just walking away.
5 people found this helpful
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Di
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Quality study with enduring analysis
Reviewed in the United States on October 5, 2019
This book and its careful ethnographic study and analysis has stood the test of time. Useful to any couple going through questions about their relationship, at any point in the relationship. Because of its studious background, Counselors could use it to help frame their... See more
This book and its careful ethnographic study and analysis has stood the test of time. Useful to any couple going through questions about their relationship, at any point in the relationship. Because of its studious background, Counselors could use it to help frame their approach and analysis.
One person found this helpful
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Mr. Roy B. Mccammon
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Helps You Move On
Reviewed in the United States on April 19, 2009
Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships by Diane Vaughan This book won''t save your relationship. It won''t tell you what went wrong. It won''t save your next relationship. What it will tell you is where you are in the process of ending the... See more
Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships by Diane Vaughan

This book won''t save your relationship. It won''t tell you what went wrong. It won''t save your next relationship. What it will tell you is where you are in the process of ending the relationship. This process tends to be unstoppable and knowing that helps you accept the end and move on. The reason this works is that the book gives you a catalog of the types of break-ups and enough description for you to figure out which type is happening and where you are in the type. It is spot on to the point that you cannot fool yourself and you accept the inevitable and start the healing.

This is a really good book to give someone who cannot get past their previous relationship or are dazed and confused about what is happening.
16 people found this helpful
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A Reader
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Valuable at any point in the process, or after
Reviewed in the United States on January 6, 2010
I think Dianne Vaughan''s book is an elegant and incisive rendering of the dynamics that exist when a couple comes apart. It is not a pop psych book, although interviews are included to demonstrate real examples of her theory. It is reasonably scholarly AND accessible to... See more
I think Dianne Vaughan''s book is an elegant and incisive rendering of the dynamics that exist when a couple comes apart. It is not a pop psych book, although interviews are included to demonstrate real examples of her theory. It is reasonably scholarly AND accessible to the lay public.

I would recommend reading Uncoupling at any point in the disintegration of a relationship. The earlier you read it, the greater your understanding; it may not keep you two together, but you will find useful information for dealing with the process, and at the very least, a way to frame what is happening to you both.

I would also recommend it for people who still grieve a distant parting. If you are "stuck" ruminating about how something ended, I think it will help you achieve release and the freedom to resume a part of your life that has been in suspension - at least it is doing that for me.

The experience is sad, enraging, tragic, liberating, a riddle....I am sure there are hundreds of adjectives for uncoupling. This won''t cure your sorrow, but it will give you a way to understand what has or is occurring, and indirectly achieve some distance from the pain. Remember, coming apart is an almost universal experience, and seeing how many people describe the event helps reinforce that notion; you are not alone.
5 people found this helpful
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Elis Law
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Take a break from the books and go watch Swingers if you want to feel better: an unorthodox book review
Reviewed in the United States on September 28, 2014
I''ll admit I''m only 1/3 through Uncoupling, which I just opened last night, but after randomly turning on the 1996 movie Swingers with Vince Vaughn this afternoon, I''m compelled to help my fellow broken-hearted compadres by urging you to put down the self help books for a... See more
I''ll admit I''m only 1/3 through Uncoupling, which I just opened last night, but after randomly turning on the 1996 movie Swingers with Vince Vaughn this afternoon, I''m compelled to help my fellow broken-hearted compadres by urging you to put down the self help books for a minute and rent, download or stream this movie ASAP. More than any book, blog post, or brainwaves app, this movie will make you feel better IMMEDIATELY! You must commit to pushing through the pain so honestly depicted in the first 1/3-1/2 of the film as a prerequisite for the reward this story offers in the end. Before you even know what''s happening, you will be laughing, smiling and perhaps, like me, even feeling the first signs not of hope (which to me is still a victim mentality) but of honest-to-God eagerness and excitement in the face of the new possibilities that have become open to each of us against our wills. Whether you''ve seen the movie 50 times or have never heard of it, the effect of watching it during this time of intense emotional loss and pain makes the experience an original one.

AFTER you complete the above assignment, then I join the majority consensus in recommending this book as a refreshingly unemotional and analytical study of how the breakup process evolves. I am that unusual person who is burdened with an acutely empathetic and emotional nature in constant battle with my demand for reason and logic. As a result I don''t have the luxury of dealing with just one or the other, like most people. This book addresses the latter from a sociological perspective and is a great relief from the emotionally demanding yet useful books that address the pain you''re feeling and how to move beyond it.

Uncoupling has one objective: to analyze the "how," and it persuasively posits that irrespective of age, race, religion, gender, sexual preference, type or length of the relationship, the fundamental process is curiously uniform. With that knowledge, this decidedly dispassionate breakdown ultimately eased my pain in a way the other books could not by making it abundantly clear that I am not alone, my pain is not unique or worse or more intense than yours or his or hers or theirs, even though it feels like it is. I don''t think it''s that "misery loves company," because I don''t wish this torture even on the woman my husband moved in with. Instead, it''s about feeling a part of something again, after so many agonizing hours believing I am completely and forever alone with my heartache.

I know there will be some who take offense at my unorthodox "review," but those people actually enjoy wallowing in despair and giddily recruit others to join them. For the rest of you, I hope I can help lessen the pain, if even just a little bit or for only a moment. I''m right here with you, friends. If you want to talk, send me a message. But whatever you do, go watch that movie NOW!

Cheers
25 people found this helpful
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Kcorn
4.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Read this one as a starting point for thoughtfulness about the patterns in relationships
Reviewed in the United States on April 15, 2008
I honestly think the author might just as well have called this one "Unfriending" or "unconnecting" or something similar and reached even a wider audience, although the focus is primarily on couples and marriages. However, if your primary goal is knowing how this... See more
I honestly think the author might just as well have called this one "Unfriending" or "unconnecting" or something similar and reached even a wider audience, although the focus is primarily on couples and marriages.

However, if your primary goal is knowing how this one could help your marriage, here''s my take:

Instead of focusing on THE reason or reasons that marriages and relationships fall apart, the author notes that the process of separation - and, inevitably, divorce or estrangement - occurs even before the warning signs may be apparent. That infidelity that seems to be the "cause" of the divorce may be just one more step in a long progression of steps that started long before the actual affair. I think this makes sense.

It made sense to me that things may seem normal in a marriage and yet something is a bit worse than the day before, already shifting off-kilter. That is the type of change this book discusses, the veering away from being a couple and the distance that grows wider, day by day. It is the kind of thing that can be easy to dismiss until the inevitable happens - and by then it could be too late for therapy or counseling to help.

Although I''d call this more of a "philosophical study" than hard core science (even though many couples were interviewed, etc), I found it an engaging and intriguing book. This one would be worth reading before marriage and could help turn many precarious marriages back on track.

One of the most interesting parts of the book dealt with how unhappy partners may "revise" marital or relationship history, turning formerly happy memories into negatives in order to justify a separation.

Just to be clear, this review is not being written by a divorced person or someone in an unhappy marriage. I have no bones to pick, no axes to grind, etc. I simply found the book to be worth reading.
34 people found this helpful
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Todd Ebert
4.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
worth the time and effort
Reviewed in the United States on June 21, 2011
I found this book useful in terms of helping me better understand the different processes behind uncoupling (i.e. the ending of intimate relationships). Having been involved in part of this process over the past 5 years, it did not surprise me to see how my... See more
I found this book useful in terms of helping me better understand the different processes behind
uncoupling (i.e. the ending of intimate relationships). Having been involved in part of this process
over the past 5 years, it did not surprise me to see how my actions, as well as those of my significant other,
fit a pattern that is described in detail in this book. I appreciate that the book is written for the purpose
of describing the process without coloring it as seeming "good" or "bad". It''s not a book about how to save
one''s relationship, nor is it a book about how to end it. Rather, it is left for readers like myself to decide
on how to use the knowledge.

The author''s style of writing seemed a bit abstract and dry, but was interspersed with quotational paragraphs
in which the stories are shared of those who have been through the process. I found this to be effective, but
unfortunately it was used throughout the entire book. Being a book on psychology/sociology, I would have preferred more structure by way of diagrams, tables, statistics, etc., since describing a process can
be greatly facilitated by the above-mentioned tools.

The other criticism I have is in how the couple is dichotomized into the "initiator" and the "partner".
In practice one would think that in many cases both parties play both roles. I would have liked to have read more about the dynamics of a "dual-initiator" system.

But despite these shortcomings, I do recommend this book; especially to anyone who finds himself or herself
in an uncoupling relationship. If anything, it will help one better understand the rough terrain that one
will likely feel along the road to separation.
5 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Emi Bevacqua
4.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Oh wow so that''s what happened. Checks out.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 17, 2020
Detailed look at all the stages, or turning points, of ended relationships of every color and stripe (hetero, gay, young, retired, white collar, DINK, etc), based on the experiences of over 100 different couples, collected and presented by a professional sociologist. Diane...See more
Detailed look at all the stages, or turning points, of ended relationships of every color and stripe (hetero, gay, young, retired, white collar, DINK, etc), based on the experiences of over 100 different couples, collected and presented by a professional sociologist. Diane Vaughan explains perfectly how my marriage was dismantled from the inside over the course of ten years without my having known about it, in a way that my emotionally retarded incommunicative soon to be ex-husband never could even if he continues therapy for the rest of his life. As Vaughan''s research shows, "the initiator" starts to harbor secrets, causing a power imbalance "the partner" is unaware of. The initiator might mention they''re not happy, but would rather build a wall and distance themselves than answer questions or engage as a couple. In absence of tangible problems the partner thinks all is copacetic. Initiator doesn''t confront partner until absolutely certain and decided, blindsiding partner and in my case actually trying to lay blame for the distance between us, rather than taking ownership for his part in its development, nevermind his infidelity.
One person found this helpful
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Korhomme
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Very accurate
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 6, 2014
It''s not so modern now, but this must be the definitive guide to the process of separation. The stages are clearly defined, and it''s uncomfortable to see just how this applies to people you know, or perhaps even to yourself. It''s not about comfort, it''s an explanation.
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Marika Welstead
4.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Four Stars
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 25, 2016
Makes some sense of a difficult time
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JESR
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Great book for better understanding the dynamics of relationships
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 18, 2014
Must have for personal growth and hopefully improve future relationships. If your relatioship has just ended it''s hard to read though. But it''s part of your healing process.
One person found this helpful
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Gursimran
4.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Worth Buying
Reviewed in India on June 1, 2019
The book is quite an early edition which wae not mentioned while buying. But I couldn''t complain much since I had ordered a second hand version of it. Overall quality of the book is still intact in terms of its pages and structure. Although, the pages have turned a little...See more
The book is quite an early edition which wae not mentioned while buying. But I couldn''t complain much since I had ordered a second hand version of it. Overall quality of the book is still intact in terms of its pages and structure. Although, the pages have turned a little yellowish but that''s because of its age.
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Uncoupling: Turning outlet online sale Points in discount Intimate Relationships outlet sale

Uncoupling: Turning outlet online sale Points in discount Intimate Relationships outlet sale

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Uncoupling: Turning outlet online sale Points in discount Intimate Relationships outlet sale

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